today in ‘i wasn’t actually expecting this, but i really should have expected this’: i do a lot of visa application invites for people for work, and the passport first page for just about every country i’ve seen has clear, black text printed on light/white background with maybe some simple pastel-coloured designs. and for the first almost-three-decades of my life, i was happy in the naive belief that all passports around the world were similar; that one day all countries of the world gathered in Geneva or wherever and formed a Passport Design Committee where they all agreed on the general aesthetics for passports worldwide.
then, about two weeks back, i saw an american passport for the first time, and it straight up has a giant-ass flag, an eagle, a fucking ear of corn, and the first line of the constitution on it, the text is on glaring multicoloured backdrop, and while i was caught off-guard by it, it is also completely in line with its country of origin, and also i feel like this tells me everything i need to know about america as a nation.
Aside from all the other reasons it’s gross, humor that’s based on degrading women and minorities is plain lazy. If you can’t make people laugh without punching down, you’re just not funny.
Just be kind and weird. Be absurd. It’s not that hard.
I make people laugh by punching down myself
That’s because of toxic societal teachings.
Be an anarchist: love yourself.
I feel compelled to tell you that this is now wallpaper for both my lockscreen and my homepage
give us the pics
Also, while we’re here, I also wanna say that this shitpost has actually touched me. Like I’ve had serious loving comments from friends and family about caring about myself, and this has somehow made a bigger impact. This post legit brought me to tears. I have it written on my hand and it’s probably going to be written many other places. And that’s why it’s my wallpaper
i’m proud of you, you funky little anarchist melon ball
Love yourself out of spite
Love yourself out of spite
@ everyone considering this for a tattoo: remember you can commission @theshitpostcalligrapher to design it for you!
OKAY SO I ACTUALLY KIND OF LOVE MAKING PHONE BACKGROUNDS SO I MADE THESE AND YOU GUYS CAN USE THEM IF YOU WANT AND ALSO IF YOU WANT ME TO MAKE YOU SOMETHING DIFFERENT I CAN DO THAT
A huge and ancient dragon loses her clutch of eggs. She decides to adopt an office building full of employees as her children. But to keep them safe, she doesn’t want to let any of them leave.
“Mighty Opiess, Destroyer of Kingdoms, pl-”
“Mom.”
“Uhh…..right. Mom. Um, so I have to get back home. I’ve got three kids who need dinner and I really think I should..go….back………why are you crying?”
“Grandbabies!!”
Suddenly, every school holiday is Bring Your Spawn To Work Day.
She’s working on getting a school in the building.
Right, this is everyone’s fault.
Grandmother
The Vermillion Life & Casualty building housed other businesses than the insurance company that built it, but they still held the majority of the floors. The economic divisions did not matter to the ancient one; she had adopted all in the building. A tense week of negotiations after her arrival meant everyone could go home after their shifts, but they still needed to check in with her on a regular basis. IT had set up a speakerphone in her aerie for emergencies, and it chirped for her attention in the early afternoon.
“Yes, dear?” she rumbled.
“I’m sorry Ma, I have to leave early,” Karen’s usually clear voice was thin with stress.
“What is it?” Opiess asked in alarm, “Are you sick?”
“No, ma’am. I just got a call from the school about Rachel getting into a fight.”
“Come up. I will take you there.”
“Maaaa… “
“No. If one of our clan is threatened, we will answer the threat. If one of our clan has become a threat, we will correct them.” The dragon’s firm tone brooked no argument. “Come up.”
Karen had to admit that arriving in the school parking lot on a dragon did give her a slight edge to her presence when she came into the office. “What is the problem?”
The vice principal in charge of discipline shook her head, “Rachel punched another student, and will have to be suspended for three days.”
“He wouldn’t leave me alone!” the girl said, glaring at the middle-aged administrator. “He keeps poking me and pulling my hair-ties out!”
Karen turned to the school official, barely containing her anger, “This other kid get suspended for bullying her?”
“That is none of your concern,” she started, and was interrupted by a deep growl outside the office window.
“Injury to my clan is my concern,” Opiess rumbled. “I am told I am not allowed to eat those who abuse my children and their children. I am told we can, however, sue for damages.”
“Damages? He was only flirting,” the vice principal sputtered.
“THAT IS NOT FLIRTING!” Karen’s temper broke. “That is ABUSE, and you are teaching that kid that tormenting someone is okay!” She held her hand out for Rachel, “You will be hearing from our lawyer.”
When she and the child were outside, Rachel ran to hug the dragon.
The-Lounge 