cuddlingwithsatan:

hotcommunist:

last night I was denouncing some forgettable shitbag to my girlfriend and said “even the ground wouldn’t want him to rot in it” and was instantly projected into the body of a gnarled old irish woman 200 years ago, spinning thread and spitting on the ground as I bitch and look out to sea.

When you bitch so hard you astral project intobone of your past lives

unbreakable-red-riot:

bumbleboi:

My human anatomy teacher was talking about bone healing and when you break a bone it typically will heal stronger

So I look him in the eyes and say “so what you’re saying is I should break every bone in my body until I become superhumanly powerful?”

And he looks back at me and says, with the softest voice he could muster, “please do not no”

robotmango:

voltager:

every time i see or read a depiction of steven grant rogers as the simple cleanslicked embodiment of Truth! Justice! and the American Way! i just. get so tired. and offended. how dare you

yeah

like on the outside, steven grant rogers is upsettingly beautiful and… smooth… and gives everyone sweaty thoughts about touching the american flag

but inside,
steven grant rogers is like… a wobbly shopping cart filled with rage and gallows humor and weird cats with chewed-up ears. he is that one locked wheel that won’t unstick no matter how hard you try to shove it forward, squealing, through the aisle. that wheel is immovable and furious for Justice Reasons. if it had to, if lives were at stake, that whole shopping cart would fight a wild bear or a helicopter or the devil himself. that cart would kick its own ass

elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:

earthponi:

fluffybunnybadass:

jinngersnap:

fluffybunnybadass:

ruecian:

toastydoodles:

usbdongle:

sparagm0s:

merryxigmas:

3tno:

myutsuu:

merryxigmas:

they’ve been playing the same goddamn M&Ms christmas commercial for the past 8 years

he does exist!

they do exist

oohh….*faints*

santa?

eight years what the fuck are you talking about that commerical is from 19-goddamn-96

thats not 8 years

that;s 18 years

image

WHAT

it’s that time of the year again. time to bring back this reminder.

okay but Campbell’s is still playing that one chicken noodle snowman one, right? And that one I remember from an even EARLIER age

from 1993.
thats 22 years ago

this commercial has been playing for 22 years. 

thank you for reminding us all that the holiday ads never really change

okay but

this one’s from 1989

26 years

marketing strategy: if it ain’t broke don’t fix it