facts from the transformers comics that sound fake but are completely canon
god started the 4 million year decepticon/autobot war by knocking over a guys drink while trying to get a curly straw
megatron is a communist who wrote poetry and after the war becomes an autobot
cybertronians are a homonormative race, not that they really care or are actively aware of the significance of it
there an instance mpreg, which was written in for no reason other than the author likes mpreg
optimus made megatron the captain of an autobot ship on a journey to find a mythological group of explorers that optimus doesnt even really believe existed
shockwave went back in time and made god, so technically shockwave started the war too
for a while starscream actually was the ruler of cybertron, and he wasnt the worst leader they ever had
there are tons of other aliens besides cybertronians but you dont see them as often because they hate cybertronians and also megatron killed millions of them
cybertronians have the robot equivalent of most drugs (steroids, cigars, weed, vapes, hallucinogens, some sort of addictive substance, dont question it)
transformers is in the same continuity as g.i. joe for no reason other than…..hope for a hasbro extended cinematic universe? idk
in an older series megatron gets sent to the my little pony universe and he hates it
tumblr exists in transformers
transformers had slavery and they had to have a civil rights movement to get rid of it, and this wasnt even a major plot point
there is also racism in transfomers of function vs. form (ex. if youre a jet you have to be in the military, sport cars have to be racers) which was a major plot point in many issues and also caused the war
transformers who dont transform into cars, trucks, or other automobiles will often ride scooters or trains for transportation
theres a toaster transformer who everybody is obsessed with but has no active role in any of the stories other than being a toaster
at one point it was implied that two transformers tried to fuck in the trailer of another sleeping transformer. yes, it was weird. no, there was no good reason for it.
*releases pack of dads into home depot* go……be free
invasive species encroach on lesbian territory
This is a common misconception because they’re such similar environments, but you should be aware that dads are native to Home Depot, while lesbians are actually native to Lowe’s. At this point, however, both dads and lesbians have made themselves at home in both Home Depot and Lowe’s to the point that trying to separate them back into their original ranges would probably do more harm than good to the delicate ecosystem of large chain hardware stores.
You know just how long 2018 has been? You know how long?
Did you even remember there was an Olympic games this year? Because I didn’t. I thought oh, last year. No. There was a winter Olympics in Korea and I forgot about it.
You know how long this year has been? The tide pod thing happened in January of this year
The royal wedding was only in May I am so upset
love simon came out this year hhh
Black Panther came out this year too
i swear this year was like 5 years long or something
Concept: An X-Files-esque conspiracy thriller that’s basically two completely different games depending on which agent you’re playing as at the time.
When you’re playing as the Down to Earth agent, it’s a straight-laced police procedural adventure game – spot the clues, interrogate the witnesses, etc. Realistic graphics, subdued jazzy soundtrack, psychologically plausible personalities and motivations, and so forth.
When you’re playing as the True Believer agent, however, the game goes full gonzo. Many NPCs who appear human from the Down to Earth agent’s perspective appear as various supernatural beasties (werewolves, mothmen, etc.) and have completely different dialogue trees. Some areas become inaccessible because they’re barred by hazards that only the True Believer can perceive, while new areas open up thanks to doors and passages that don’t exist for the Down to Earth agent. The graphics and soundtrack become more stylised, more colourful, and more grotesque.
You can switch viewpoints at any time, unless you’re in an area where only one agent is present. It’s never made 100% clear which agent’s perspective is “real”, if indeed either of them are, and the gameplay actively obfuscates the truth; one puzzle’s solution might rely on the True Believer sneaking into a building using an entrance that only exists for her, then letting her counterpart in, for example, while another might depend on the Down to Earth agent’s ability to simply walk through an obstacle that only the True Believer can see. Items taken from one version of reality can freely be used in the other.
In the end, the twist is that there’s no twist. Neither agent’s perspective is proven wrong, and they go on with their lives, each thinking the other is crazy.
I haven’t even read any communist stuff my ideology is “share and be nice” like the first two rules of a kindergarten
When you get out of kindergarten you might learn that stealing isn’t sharing.
Literally who is talking about stealing get outta here you absolutely giant jester
Do you know what redistribution means?
You sit back in your dark leather chair and run your fingers through your greying hair. You’ve just set up your preparations for owning some random kid on the internet and now all you have to do is wait for the fish to get the bait. You chuckle and close your eyes.
The door to your office opens up, letting in a flood of bright light from the world outside your cave, and a messenger stands squarely in the middle of the door frame.
“Telegram for giant jester!”
You walk over, take your telegram, and read.
“READ FIRST SENTENCE AGAIN STOP”
You smile confusedly and think it might be a mistaken delivery. You throw the telegram into the bin beside the door. The deliverer still stands like a gatekeeper, blocking the exit.
“Another telegram for giant jester!”
You think this is all very strange. People usually don’t send two in a row, and now this messenger won’t leave you alone. You are beginning to sweat lightly in your cheap cotton suit. You open this new telegram and read it.
“REDISTRIBUTION INVOLVES TAKING MONEY FROM PEOPLE WHO HAVEN’T WORKED FOR IT YOU THINK JEFF BEZOS MOVES EVERY PACKAGE HIMSELF THE BASTARD SITS THERE AND MAKES THE SALARIES OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE IN A MINUTE ALL BECAUSE HE EXPLOITS THE TIME AND ENERGY OF HIS WORKERS HOW IS THAT NOT STEALING WHY ARENT THE WORKERS GETTING PAID FOR THE EFFORTS THEY GIVE IN FULL”
You have no idea how the sender got all this text on one telegram sheet. You’re feeling queasy from this anomaly. The text is clearly too much for the sheet but it hovers delicately off the edge anyway. Youre unable to process the contents of the message due to a dark, evil sickness in your stomach. The sentry stands tall and firm at the doorway.
“One last telegram for G. Jester!”
Your shaking legs buckle and you fall to the oak floor and slowly rest yourself on your side. You pray to all the gods you know (and a few you don’t) that everything will be okay. You don’t understand what is happening. The messenger turns to you and begins to speak the telegram:
“No one was talking about stealing or redistribution anyway. You believed you were reading between the lines when in actuality you read past it, drifting off into space instead of staying with earthly affairs. And now you lay on the ground and beg with tears and snot soaking into the floor beams that we may spare you. Pathetic, isn’t it? You swung at a dummy and still managed to miss. Where is your sense of self respect? Of keeping your mouth shut when you need to? Did you lose it somewhere? Did you never have it in the first place? Why did you comment on this post in such a way as to assume the intent of its author when you clearly know so, so little about the world, about people, about yourself. We will leave you for now to contemplate on this.”
Your face sits in a puddle of bodily fluids as you watch the messenger dissipate slowly, burning up in holy and righteous fire. You don’t know what you have been visited by. But you feel that you should listen. Your world turns black. You dream of impossible architecture, horrible creatures, and inhuman languages.
The-Lounge 