softeeeee:

i grew up in a verbally abusive home and i never understood/believed what people meant when they said “if you grow up in an abusive household you’re more prone to experiencing abuse as an adult” until recently (because i have miraculously landed in a safe soft place and have had time to reflect for the first time in one million years 🙏🏼) so here it goes.

this doesn’t imply that a person who grew up being abused will inherently become an abuser or go gaga over abusive people to continue the cycle. ofc yes, this does often happen too.

the spaces you spend the most time in as a child define your conception of home, or a home base, and that’s important because whether it’s a happy & healthy or dark & dangerous place it becomes familiar. to a person raised in a calm household an outburst of yelling sends up red flags that something is off. to a person raised in a noisy and chaotic household the fight or flight reaction is dulled way down. somewhere you know it’s wrong but you also know that it hasn’t killed you yet, so it can be endured. it’s complicated, and it makes it much easier to walk into the arms of abusive people because your internal warning volume is set close to 0.