I want to read a story about a wizard whose only spell is “fix this”, but the specially-crafted magic takes their intent into account. "Fix this" can mean repairing the wheel on the adventurers’ cart or healing a broken arm or “fixing” a lock so that it’s in what the wizard considers the “correct” (unlocked) position. Imagine the other mages getting increasingly frustrated as the wizard stubbornly refuses to learn any other spells.
Wizard: *points at a canyon* Fix this
Other casters: That’s not really how spells –
Wizard: Oh look, one of our blankets is now a magic carpet. Guess we don’t need a bridge.
Casters: How –
Wizard: *points at logs that won’t catch fire* Fix this
Other casters: There’s been too much rain, it won’t –
Wizard: I fixed it so that it’s in the same state it was yesterday. Someone here knows how to start a fire, right?
Casters: What –
Wizard: *points at charging dragon*: Fix this
Other casters: THAT’S NOT HOW MAGIC WORKS YOU IDIOT WE’RE GOING TO DIE
Dragon: *coughs* Did you just… cure my intestinal problems? I’ve been trying to stop breathing fire for weeks, but it just kept spilling out, and every time I tried to ask for help, I burned everything down. I won’t forget this kindness.
Casters: *ripping their hair out* H O W
I’m dying 😂👌
Over in the astral plane, the powerful spirit who’s been assigned to babysit the wizard is giggling hysterically. Two years ago, when this whole thing started, they thought it was a waste of time: Lady, really? Your kid wants to be a wizard despite having no powers, so you’re contracting with me to invisibly follow them around and do the magic for them?
One year ago, they’d admitted to themselves that the kid might not be the sharpest athame in the ritual, but finding creative ways to apply their “spell” was kind of entertaining.
These days…they’re starting to suspect the kid knows exactly how their “magic” works, and what the two of them really have here is a silent partnership to troll every caster they meet into gibbering fits of confusion.
This is the most fun they’ve had in millenia.
Published
The-Lounge 